What Intersex People Want You to Know About Sex
Clitorises come in different sizes—it’s not a big deal
BY MADDIE ROSE
OCTOBER 21, 2020
SAVANA OGBURN / REFINERY29 FOR GETTY IMAGES
Sex should be about fun, fulfillment and connection. But for intersex people who have sex characteristics that don’t fit cleanly into binary male or female categories, there can be extra obstacles. Some intersex people have enlarged clitorises or smaller penises, extra body or facial hair, atypical breast development, or can’t have penetrative sex. Even though intersex people make up about 1.7% of the population, many endosex people aren’t educated about our bodies. They try to follow their usual routines around sex that don’t always work for us.
This puts us in an awkward spot: tell people right away about our bodies, or hope they don’t ask? Give guidance on how to get us off, or have a bland time in bed? Growing up with an MRKH diagnosis—an intersex condition where I am missing a vaginal canal—I often cut hookups off short. I didn’t want people to find out about my body, and struggled to explain how pleasure worked for me.
Sexual exploration can be better for everyone without assumptions of what someone’s body should look like, how they experience pleasure, or what sex looks like for them. Even among intersex people, no two people’s bodies are quite the same. Here are the experiences of four intersex members of interAct Youth on what they have learned about their own sex lives, and what partners should know. (go to the link to read the entire article).